Change is in the Air

Change…

Let that word sink in for a moment.

Change…

What do you feel when you read that word? Some people feel excited when they see it. Others feel hope. For me, if I’m completely honest, I feel fear and anxiety. I am one of those many people who don’t like change.

Every time I’ve experienced change, it’s always something being removed from my life, something I thought was good or something I thought was going to be in my future. The word change strikes fear in my heart and mind, because it normally means something is going to be removed from my life and often, I don’t want to let it go.

We are currently in the middle of a season of change. The colors of the trees change, the weather changes, the time changes, change is all around and you can’t help but think about that dreaded word. Fall is one of my favorite seasons… which is so odd to say. This season that is all about change and transition from one season of life and abundance to renewal and things dying off, is my favorite season. That doesn’t make any sense to me. This morning I woke up and thought hard about that. My favorite season is the very thing I dread in my own life.

So, why do I love the season of fall?

It’s not because, BAM! Everything pumpkin spice. It’s not because of the time change. It’s not because of all the pretty colors, although that is a plus. It’s none of those typical things that comes with the season of fall that the media markets to all of us crazy fall people. It’s the closeness and safe feeling that I get when I’m warm, that I enjoy.

I lived in Southern California the majority of my life and for those of you that know Southern California well, you know that the only seasons are 1 month of maybe some cold weather that isn’t even close to be deemed as Winter and the remainder of the year is Summer. There is hardly anything in between. When I moved to the Pacific North West, I finally got to experience actual seasons and can now officially claim that Fall is my favorite season.

Since moving here, every Fall I get cold. Yes, you Southern Californians, being cold exists! In school, I went through a huge transformation and lost about 60 pounds. Since losing that weight, I get cold even in the Summer time when the wind picks up. Now going back to my explanation. I get cold and one of the first things I want to do is bundle up in a blanket and drink something warm. I cozy up to what comforts me, whether it be my dog, a fire or even a good book. So, why is it that in a season of change (we’re still talking about the season of Fall) I’m so ready to snuggle up to my comfort, but when my life is experiencing change, I don’t “snuggle” up to my God?

This question haunted me this morning. It’s easy to cozy up with things that are tangible like blankets and coffee, but it’s so much harder to have that Faith that God is wanting us to cozy up to Him when the going gets tough. Instead, I shy away from Him, thinking He’s punishing me for something I unknowingly did. I question Him when things change suddenly. I lash out at Him and ask why He’s not paying attention. In these moments, I picture God just looking at me with a smile on His face as I rant and rave. All the while, He knows what is in store for me. Once I get it all out and argue and fight and moan and groan about it and finally collapse at His feet, His smile widens and His hand rests on my shoulder as he comforts me, knowing I just exhausted myself worrying over something that may not necessarily be there to begin with. It’s in this moment that I realize, the very same reason I enjoy the season of Fall is the very thing I’m not doing in my own seasons of change.

This morning as I laid in bed, debating whether to lay there and wallow or get up and spend time with my God, I was reminded of the verse that stated “Behold, I am making all things new”. All day, those words have echoed inside my mind. It wasn’t until I looked up the verse that I realized why it was so important. It was God speaking to me.

And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:5

God allows us to go through seasons of change because it makes us new. Everything has to go through change in order to stay healthy and present in this life. My mind instantly goes to my schooling and inter-workings of our body. Skin replaces itself every 27 days on average. Bones replace themselves roughly every 10 years. Red blood cells replace themselves every 40 days. The colon and all the crap it deals with, replaces and sloughs off its cells for new growth approximately every 4 days. Our bodies go through change without us even truly knowing it or being aware of it… so why is it that some unforeseen circumstance, throws us for a loop and sends us out of control, questioning the very path God has set for us?

“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

We are not meant to stay the same. We are not meant to stand in place. Change helps us move forward and helps show us who God is. God is our comfort, our rock, our fortress in times of struggle and instead of cozying up to Him for comfort, we shake our fist at Him and question where He’s at, well… I can’t answer for anyone else, but that’s what I often do. I used to face change with the philosophy that if I’m experiencing it, it had to pass through God’s hands first and if it passed through God’s hands first, it must be for my good. I’ve lost sight of that way of thinking. I’ve lost sight of who I am as a child of God, a precious daughter of the creator of the universe, the one who holds time in His hands. Even as I write this, my heart knows it’s true, but change is all I see… and honestly, I just don’t see how things are going to turn out. But thankfully, that is not my job to figure it out. I’m along for the next adventure, even if I have no idea where it will take me or how it will grow me.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4: 6-8

Now What, God?

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you sit there as the dust settles and think… now what, God? I’m in one of those seasons currently.

I’ve just graduated with a doctorate, I’m licensed on a National level, but now I’m waiting for licensing on a State level… so there is a lot of waiting. And it doesn’t help that there is not many people to hang out and talk about this with because most of the people my age have jobs or families that they are attending to.

I’m not one to invade family time in order for me to feel sane or comfortable. I know reaching out is appropriate and I shouldn’t shy away from that, which I don’t, but my ability to reach out to people is pretty slim at the moment because most of my friends have other obligations. Granted, I could easily just reach out and throw some seeds and see what comes from it, and thankfully for the most part, I have. But, I’m finding it hard to connect with others due to busy lifestyles.

With all this free time, I’m left to my maddening thought life that gets me more into trouble than not. Can I give a shout out to all the over-thinkers out there? I shouldn’t be proud of that and truthfully, I’m not. I’m actually ashamed of how much I overthink and allow those thoughts that I’ve created to run my life. I’m finding myself creating more problems that never needed to be solved to begin with.

The other day, I sought advice from a business friend of mine about the process of opening a business loan. After learning what I could and getting a general idea of what to expect, he offered me some crucial advise that I didn’t know I needed.

He told me, “Don’t fight Saber-tooth Tigers.” He chuckled when my face gave away my confusion (I can’t hide my emotions to save my life). He then clarified, asking me what I would do if all of a sudden and gigantic Saber-tooth Tiger were suddenly in the room, it’s foot-long sharp teeth and huge build ready to attack, what my reaction would be. Well, obviously the answer is clear. I would probably drop dead from fear or maybe cower in the corner, accepting my fate. He then continued to explain the statement by saying we don’t have to worry about Saber-tooth Tigers because they are extinct and unless Jurassic Park were some how to become a reality, there’s no way we would ever have to fight that terrifying monster. He continued to tell me that our fear is very much like a Saber-tooth Tiger, a creation of what ifs that we may never have to face, anxieties or situations we may never ever come to and mountains that we may never have to climb. He told me to stay focused on what can be accomplished today, it’s how you avoid fighting Saber-tooth Tigers. So, that is my advice to anyone who is reading this, don’t fight what isn’t there.

It’s in moments like that, that I’m reminded of the passage in Exodus when the Israelite’s were being cornered by the Pharaoh and his Egyptian army at the Red Sea. Instantly, they lashed out at Moses saying that he should have left them in their position in Egypt as slaves instead of the “impossible” position at the Red Sea. Moses responded in Exodus 14:13-14, “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians who you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent” and with that God instructs Moses to raise his staff and part the Red Sea to allow passage of the Israelite nation while the pillar of cloud guarded them from behind.

This same God fights for us today, something I forget so easily and take for granted. I may not understand why I’ve come to a season of loneliness and a season of depression, but God has not left me to fend for myself and he hasn’t left you either. He is there with us in our sorrow, in our struggle, in our personal battles that we fear have no hope of ever ceasing. He goes before us making our path straight when we acknowledge Him as stated in Proverbs 3:6 and guards us from behind as stated in Isaiah 52:12 because we are sometimes weak in those moments, finding it “impossible” to begin our movement forward. It may seem like He is not there, but He may be fighting off what we left behind to make sure we move forward and that whatever is behind, stays behind so as not to hinder our walk along the path He has already laid out for us. We have to be brave to follow His instruction, whatever that may be.

So, let’s not fight Saber-tooth Tigers. Let’s allow God to fight the battle that has already been won. God will make a way even if it seems there is no way. I ask God, now what? The only answer I think I can give is, on to the next adventure.

 

 

The Journey Begins

I thought school was the long journey, but graduation and life afterwards is the true beginning of the adventure.

I’ve been in school since I was four years old. It wasn’t expected of me to go to college. It wasn’t my plan to get a degree (or three). I didn’t have ambition to get the best grades and I certainly wasn’t the top student in my class.

I went through the motions not really knowing what I wanted to do, until I learned that I loved science and the human body. Nothing fascinates me more than human healing and the resilience the body has in overcoming physical obstacles. The human body is a force to be reckoned with. The human body overcomes adversity and can be pushed to its limit and still come out victorious at the end. This is what school was like for me.

I was a C student. I was told I wouldn’t make it far because my grades weren’t the best. I was told that I should just do something easy with my time and not make it harder for myself. The problem with all those people is they didn’t see the fire they were stoking in my eyes. They didn’t see that I was what I described the human body to be, a force to be reckoned with. They didn’t see the beautiful adventure that was about to unfold.

I’ve had people at my side who believed in me. I’ve had neigh-sayers from the beginning telling me I wouldn’t make it. But most of all, I’ve had a faith in God that has made my life the greatest adventure I could have ever asked for.

The road has been long and its is yet to be finished. Join me in my journey. Join me in the ups and downs, the set backs, the struggles. This has already been an adventure and I’m sure that the next adventure is going to be that much more exciting.

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton